I think it’s time we rebranded these planets. I’m thinking Penis and Mons. 

I don’t know. 

A guy named John Gray wrote a bestselling book in 1992 called Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and the term quickly became a popular catchphrase that captured the world of differences between the two sexes. I never read the book, but it would be assumed that there’s a distinction made between the two planets that align with the tendencies of gender. 

And planets aren’t the only inanimate objects that get assigned masculine and feminine attributes, because boats and cars are usually referred to as female. I don’t know of many items referred to as male, but surely someone somewhere has a butcher knife named Butch, or a Sherman tank named Sherman. 

And while we’re rebranding planets, just for the record, I’m not cool with calling Pluto a dwarf planet. It’s not fair. You can’t just disqualify a planet in the middle of the game as if it just wiped its ass with a penalty flag after a touchdown. The system taught us that there are nine planets and now we’re just simply expected to shift to eight. That’s bullshit. And the reason it pisses me off is because if you’re not entirely sure about something you’re going to teach in schools, then don’t teach it. And besides, Pluto is my favorite dog. He’s got his shit together a lot more than Goofy, that’s for sure. 

Anyway, Mr. Gray ain’t wrong. I mean, it doesn’t take long once you’ve hit puberty to understand the chasm between how the brains of men and women work. For instance, when she is thinking, “I wonder what he is like?” he is thinking “I wonder what she is like in bed.” 

By the way, if Cannabis genders are also to be associated with a planets, the females are from Mercury, and the males from Uranus.