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Episode #211 – Today’s Seven Dwarfs

In 2024, Disney’s copyright on the very first Mickey Mouse animated short, Steamboat Willy, will expire, allowing the image of the pop culture icon to enter the public domain. With the 98 years of protection expiring, the original iteration of the world’s most ubiquitous mouse is finally available to borrow.

So, it’s safe to say that with the locked clock winding down on these and other commercial assets, this is an excellent time for a rebrand. Not that Goofy needs to be any goofier, or Donald needs to duck more, just that an update to catch up with the changes in personality archetypes might keep them relevant to newer generations of fun-loving fans for another near hundred years.

And I can’t think of a better place to start than with the Seven Dwarfs. Forget Snow White. She’ll always be the hot chick, and a nip/tuck will help retain the youthful appearance for her brood of grandprincecharmings.

But for her diminutive miner pals, what were considered common characteristics in the 1930s have evolved in the woke world. Because now that science and research have names for these tics, we need to re-identify their mental health challenges with deep tolerance and understand that being open and honest is the path to healing. So, for starters, we will call the film Snow White and the Seven Little Persons.

Doc will be called Drug Dealer. Sleepy will go by the name Depressed. Bashful is now Anti-Social. Sneezy is to be referred to as Allergic. Dopey’s new name is Medicated. And Grumpy is Hungover.

I hereby give Disney, LLC, full license to capitalize on this suggestion.

By the way, you should always use green weed instead of snow white. It’ll make you more Happy and less Grumpy.

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