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Episode #217 – Death By Dabs

Davey Dabs saves his earwax.

He stores these globs in carefully labeled ceramic saucers that are categorized by the air temperature and date they were extracted.

And as much as the fear of bacterial propagation is, he ensures his housemates Rachel the Ripper and the Swashbuckling Shatterbrain Shane with whom he shares the refrigerator, that they are sanitized before being stored for terpene preservation. Numerous times, he’s been asked to explain how there could be terpenes in earwax, which is a qualified curiosity that Mr. Dombrowski honors with the same regard as a scientist when pointing to research methodology. The explanation is simple; botanical terpenes are reintroduced to the waxy substance the same way as into distillate to offer the closest replica to an indigenous full-spectrum product.

Davey Dabs intends to dab these globs in the afterlife.

This ear wax, he surmises, could be misinterpreted as a repulsive collection of bodily excretion, but it is done solely for reasons of spiritual growth. You see, Davey Dabs believes that should he unexpectedly perish, he will have solidified the necessary preparation for his transition beyond the physical form. He does not believe–which is his inalienable right–that hash exists in the promised land. There is no proof. To his knowledge, it is not recorded in any religious text. And although Davey Dabs takes many risks in his often-absurd attempt to challenge life’s gravitational contest, he is not willing to risk being without dabs.

Therefore, he has preemptively assembled a careful simulation with what he knows will accompany him into the metaphysical realm. He believes that earwax is his best chance, and it is instructed to whoever handles his will and testament that these saucers are to be buried with him like the rituals of pharaohs of ancient Egypt, where he will have dabs accompanying the ascension of his soul.

“All things must pass,” he solemnly whispers. This, he says with the hopes that the final blink will be while inhaling what will not be his final dab.

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