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Episode #243 – The Fat Guy That Parties (Originally Posted as episode #109)

Everyone has known a fat guy that parties, right? Well, maybe not orthodox religious zealots, but that’s just because they don’t have a buddy who drinks, does blow, drops Molly, and then drenches his clothes with sweat from bouncing erratically on the dance floor to seizure-inducing EDM.

Your loss, peeps.

Either way, the iconic Blutarski character made popular by John Belushi in the movie Animal House paved the pizza dough for other actors like Chris Farley, who captured the essence of the fat guy that parties like a sommelier capture the essence of rotting grapes.

It’s a roller coaster personality, either completely vulnerable in an episode of sad self-loathing or an entire annihilation of all things calm and sophisticated. And whether he’s only drunk or going all in with the full compliment of liquid courage, Columbian marching powder, a pill or two, or a combination of anything available–there’s no way of predicting which way the tornado will turn when his indulge-o-meter gets going, transforming an otherwise placid triple bypass burger eating machine into the Tasmanian Devil under a strobe light.

You can see the weirdwolf come to life before your very eyes once the first couple of beers gets chugged. The beaded forehead bears proof that the heart somewhere inside of that ribcage is working tirelessly to not only flush the body with coolant through narrow arteries but futilely attempting to impart a longing for acceptance in a world where skinny bodies are recognized as north star-facing moral compasses. 

The morbid fascination of seeing a train go off the rails is fun to witness for a minute while he’s doing the YMCA dance in his undies, but ultimately sad when the harsh reality of twisted meddle surfaces in the aftermath of a limp body passed out on the kitchen floor amid the empty White Claw cans and specks of visible dust in the morning glow.

God, you want to help him. Because you care. But Cannabis isn’t his thing. “It makes me too self-conscious,” he’ll tell you.

“And it causes the munchies.”

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